I am guessing many, who read this, will consider a tribute to suicide “crazy”. For the thought of gratitude, amidst the sorrow that most relate with suicide is, in the truest sense of the word, unreasonable. But I am not here to reason with anyone. Instead I offer my transparency and my unwavering knowing, that ALL that has come to pass in my life has happened for me and not to me and is truly perfect.
Despite past remnants of my delusional ego that have wanted to scream otherwise, I can now recognize zero degrees of separation in all that has unfolded in my life. I realize, in what I call my “20/20 Real-Eyes-ations”, that my cocoon of circumstances were created as a Divine ploy for me to become a butterfly. With all things being connected,my story and my parents story, becomes your story and our collective story. It is intended as a “wake up” call- an instigator for awareness, trans-formative realizations and ultimate flight – a potent reflection of our collective cocoon of circumstances that is seeking to transform us into butterflies.
Within my Real-Eyes-ations lives authentic gratitude on a soulular level for all that has happened for me in my life.
It takes 3 to have a child. My parents “ushered” me in, along with my Free Will to be here, but behind the scenes there was a Universal plot. A Divine Drama if you will, with “characters” that were perfectly cast to fulfill their roles, of which my parents were worthy of an “academy award” for their performances. It is apparent to me that the alchemical blend of their choices, were the perfect recipe for my soul to recognize itself. From this awareness, I am able to see and fulfill my life’s mission, in the only variable that is me.
All of this, I believe has been orchestrated by the Divine Conspiracy of which I am an accomplice, to promote the remembrance of my true essence and value and facilitate this awareness in others. You too are an accomplice to this Divine Conspiracy ~ for your eyes have graced these words, intimately bound by the fabric of our co-creative web.
On a day that is traditionally filled with celebration and best-case scenarios, my parents were imagining worst-case scenario. At age 21 and 22, they made a morbid vow to evade taxes and to decide to kill themselves if they ever got caught. Where there is typically a Union of love-based promises, my parents decided to divorce from their own hearts and create a survival strategy to assure that they could afford to take care of an unexpected me.
30 years later, my parents lay down next to each other in a tent in the wilderness, near a small Colorado mountain town. The first signs of winter had dusted the ground and there was a definite chill in the air. As my parents crawled into their tent, they were not alone. They had with them all of the necessary ingredients for a recipe of everlasting sleep: Mental anguish and despair over money, an impenetrable will and emotional bond, a bottle of Vodka and sleeping pills,a Dr. Kevorkian book on How To Die, a CD player and Celtic music, a threatening note to anyone who attempted to resuscitate them and a goodbye letter to me.
9 months later, their bodies were found. I am told that they were in their favorite position, my father on his back – my mother curled up on his left side. I suspect they both checked out way before their bodies did – unable to stay connected within such a disconnected choice. I can not even begin to imagine what they went through knowing this would be the last time they would be in each others arms and alive in their bodies. With my mother’s head on my father’s chest, I can feel so deeply, how she must have felt, realizing the finality of their choice, when she listened to my father’s heart… beat slow to silent.
Mom and dad, I am humbled to be honoring you, as I begin to deliver the profound teaching of your suicide over money to the masses. Your choice is the ultimate zeitgeist of our time with so many millions ending their lives and committing emotional suicide over money, every day. It is in reverence to your sacrifice that I am in devotion to supporting the collective consciousness to shift their fundamentally flawed relationship to money. Thank you for delivering to me the heart wisdom to support people to begin to create lives that are truly valuable to themselves and others and to realize their birthright of love, joy, ease and grace. Your sacrifice will fulfill its role of catalyzing a profound shift on this planet of a remembrance of our true value and Self worth beyond our net worth.
Laura Fredrickson © 2014